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Ever since I lost my virginity I have constantly suffered with painful intercourse. Whether this is the fact that penetration means that my partners penis is physically hitting my cervix or that I now pre-emptively associate intercourse with pain, I am unsure of. Nonetheless, sex has not been something for me that is enjoyable and relaxing. Luckily, most of my partners have been very understanding and I have been able to communicate to them which positions are less painful for me. However, this has been an added stress in my life that people at my age should not experience and something I had to deal without through university and my studies. Through trial and error though you learn which positions are less painful and more comfortable for you (personally for me its ones not involving deep penetration). This is why it is very I'm,portant that we accept and learn more about our bodies and prioritise our needs to our partner to ensure that we have an enjoyable sexual experience.
In regards to anticipating pain of sexual intercourse I have learnt to combat this with breathing techniques before and during sex. I make sure that during penetration I take deep breaths and reassure myself I am with a person that I trust and that at anytime I am feeling pain I can ask them to stop and they will respect this. Additionally, I cannot stress enough how vital lube is. I personally use coconut oil as it doesn't flare up my lichen sclerosus.
Positions wise I personally do not like doing anything that involves deep penetration such as doggy style. I often prefer being on top as it allows me to control the pace and also to stop at any time I want. Although I may be more comfortable with deep penetration positions over time once I have worked on relaxing my pelvic floor muscles, for now I am unable to do these positions and you know what? I am okay with that. It is key that you experiment with different positions with your partner to see which ones are best for you.
Finally, its important that you are comfortable and communicate with your partner. To be honest with all of you reading, I have not been the best communicator in my previous relationships and often did not let my partner know if I was in pain. All I can say to this now is I was the one suffering because of my lack of communication, not anyone else. So learn what you are comfortable with and what your boundaries are and let your partner know.
Here is an amazing link for if you want your partner to learn more about prolapse - https://www.pelvicorganprolapsesupport.org/just-for-men?fbclid=IwAR0OcZdUvTcU_Y6zULDEtpW6RvShDAd-mU-7JxKkPGdTl9mtBdhVi7bfvvA
Update 2022: So I wrote this blog almost a year ago, so I thought it would be a great time to reflect on and see if my relationship with sex has changed at all since I last wrote my blog. Fortunately, I can now say that I do not experience pain during intercourse every time I have penetrative sex. Now it is mostly the initial penetration that is painful, and after that, the pain eases off. Therefore we tend to take the first part of sex very slowly and gently. I have also learnt to communicate with my partner what works best for me and to speak up if a certain position is hurting me. I used to be almost afraid of saying something when it was hurting me as I didn't want to ruin the mood or come across as a nuisance. But I realise now that was the completely wrong approach as it wasn't benefitting me in any way and if you have a loving and supportive partner, they will be understanding and will not want you to be in pain anyway. Because of my LS, I now use coconut oil as a lubricant as I find it much gentler on my skin. So all in all I am happy to write that sex for me isn't always a painful experience for me as it was when I first wrote this blog.
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