Psychosexual therapy

So this is going to be one of the hardest, most uncomfortable blogs I have written in a while. My sex life has never been something I have been comfortable talking about, and yet here I am sharing it with over 2,000 people.

My sex life has always been a cause of arguments in my relationships, whether that be the pain I experience during sex or my lack of sex drive. Right, let's start with the former. Sex has been painful for as long as I can remember, most notably during penetration. A few months ago, I discovered I have something called vaginismus, where the vaginal muscles involuntarily or persistently contract when there is attempted vaginal penetration. On top of this, there is also the added feeling of my partner's penis hitting my cervix over and over again. Both of these things combined do not make for a very pleasant sex life.

Now my lack of libido this only arose recently and is one of the main reasons why I signed myself up for psychosexual therapy. On top of all my other conditions, I also have lichen sclerosis, which is a chronic inflammatory skin disorder that causes itchy white patches on the genitals or other parts of the body. Personally, I think this is one of the main contributors to my lack of libido as previously, every time I masturbated or even touched myself, I would be in agony, literally feeling as if my vagina was on fire. Now, I find it hard to feel anything. I hardly ever think about sex or touch myself. I am left feeling worthless, incomplete and useless. I just yearn to feel something, anything, but instead, I am left feeling empty inside.

So I did it; I researched and signed up for psychosexual therapy. Not because I feel there is anything wrong with me but more because I want to feel like myself again. I want to want to touch myself, I want to want to throw myself at my partner and I want to feel something, anything. So what is psychosexual therapy like? The first answer that pops to mind is that it is awkward, so awkward that it is almost refreshing. When do you truly get to talk to someone without feeling judged, criticized or undervalued and to spend the whole hour talking only about you? I feel I can express my insecurities, worries and fears in a room where I will be accepted no matter what I say. I can explore my concerns and hopefully work towards finding a resolution. To be able to do that and to allow yourself to do that is truly invaluable. One of the questions that resonated most with me is when my therapist asked me, what do you like during sex? I sat there dumbfounded by that question, I don't think anyone has ever asked me that, and I'll tell you what, I didn't have an answer. So I ask you to think about what you like during sex, what do you want from sex? You are allowed and should ask yourself these questions because your needs are important as anyone else's.

This blog doesn't really have an ending; it doesn't really have a conclusion. More because I am still in the process of uncovering, learning and working through my sexual difficulties. I hope that by sharing with you one of my deepest insecurities it will allow you to accept or somewhat embrace your own. Allow yourself to talk about just yourself for an hour a week; this isn't self-centred it's self-love.

I truly hope this helps.

Love Simone