Time For Some Male Perspective

Previously, all my blog posts have been centred around the impact of being diagnosed with prolapse for me and how it affected me physically, mentally and emotionally. Additionally, I have discussed the stigma surrounding discussing women’s genitalia which is one of the main reasons I didn’t go to the doctors in the first place. Yet, I haven’t really considered how it must have been for my partner when I told him I had prolapse and subsequently how he felt when it impacted our sex life and other aspects in our relationship. I also feel that there isn’t just stigma around discussing women’s genitalia but is also something with male genitalia, and so it is important to recognise this as well. So, I did a mini-interview with my boyfriend to understand how me having prolapse affected him and also to see what advice he would give to guys who’s partner has prolapse, to support her.

When I first started seeing my current boyfriend I was in Denmark and in the process of going through numerous medical appointments, still pretty insecure about my diagnosis. To be perfectly honest I was terrible at communicating what I had and what I was going through to my partner as I just found it really awkward. There was never actually a point where I came out and said to him that I had prolapse, instead, I attempted to give subtle hints that I didn’t like certain things in bed and couldn’t do certain things. One day I finally just sent him a load of links and said: “read this, this is what I have.” Now I am more confident with myself and know what prolapse is, whereas, at that time when I met him, I was still really confused. On reflection, I do wish I had been better at communicating as it must have been quite confusing for him as well as myself. Anyway, enough of me, time to get a male’s perspective.

What did you do when you found out about prolapse? Did you do any research? I think, to be honest, I really had no idea what it was. I hadn’t even heard of it never mind being educated about it. Initially, my partner sent me a few links to better explain to me what it was, but I was completely clueless. When I did some research, I really didn’t know what I was looking for.

How did you feel when you found out I had prolapse? It took me a while to fully understand what it was. It didn’t bother me being honest. I think if you truly care about someone then something like prolapse doesn’t matter. I think I just wanted to know if there was anything I could do to help.

Did it affect you emotionally at all? I would say it was more of a case of me trying to understand the situation. I’m the kind of person that always wants to help somehow but I did feel helpless at times when there was nothing I could do and that kind of frustrated me. It’s never nice to see someone you care about in pain or discomfort.

Could I have done anything better to explain my prolapse and what I was going through? Perhaps tried to explain to me earlier what things were uncomfortable etc. However, at the same time, I respect the fact it’s not easy to talk to someone about something like that especially in the initial stages

What advice would you give to guys who’s partner has prolapse, to support her? Firstly, I think you must understand that your partner may sometimes be in discomfort or pain and it can be frustrating and difficult for them. Your partner may have frequent medical appointments and this can be tough for them so offering to go with her or collecting her after her appointments will help her feel supported. Sometimes, just listening to your partner is all they need. You won’t always have a solution to their problem but you can sit there and listen to them. I’ve found that this comfort and support can make them feel that bit better. There will be times where it will be difficult for both parties but good communication between each other and an understanding of what you can and can’t do will really help the relationship.

Where you taught about the female anatomy at school? Yes, we did learn about the basic anatomy but not much more than that. We learned about the menstrual cycle but not how it affects women. This is fundamental information that boys should know.

What do you wish you were taught at school? They should encourage us at a young age to be comfortable discussing our genitalia. If the idea is instilled in kids from a young age that it’s okay to talk about these sorts of things it will make it a lot easier for people to do so in the future. It would’ve been useful if they had taught us stuff in more detail such as how the menstrual cycle impacts women. There should be more education regularly throughout school to make girls and boys aware of these types of things such as prolapse.

Would you feel comfortable going to the doctor about a concern you had with your genitals? I don’t think I’d be comfortable. I would feel a bit awkward I think and less likely to go compared to another area of my body but if I had a feeling it was something serious then I would go. I think it’s important to get checked and to be able to openly discuss things with people if you think there may be something wrong

Do you feel there is a stigma surrounding discussing male genitalia? Yeah I do, I think in general most people don’t discuss their genitalia with others. You’ll rarely find anyone discussing it especially publicly online that’s why I think it’s incredibly brave of you to do so. It will hopefully inspire others to speak up and talk to someone if they feel somethings wrong.